Lila is Aroace - and that explains a lot
by InkJackets
Summary: Lila has struggled to understand her feelings (or lack of) her whole life, but she is forced to face them when confronted by the girl squad. Together they help her understand something she's kept buried under lies for years.


**I posted this on tumblr the other day and people seemed to like it so it seemed a shame not to post it here too!**

**Let me know if you like it! :) **

* * *

Lila would never forget the first time she lied. A proper lie. Not some silly little kid excuse for a bad thing, but the sort of lie that makes you grit your teeth as your stomach twists because it means shoving a part of who you are deep down.

She was seven, and the other girls in the playground had said she couldn't play with Jacque.

'But he's my friend,' Lila had said, confused.

'He's a _boy,' _Fleur had hissed in return, 'We don't play with boys.'

Confusion had blossomed in her mind, but Lila smiled and she said she didn't really want to play with him anyway.

That was the first time she realised something was different.

* * *

Lila was eleven and at a school disco. She was dancing with her friends (all girls, of course) when Laura ran up to the group and excitedly announced that Ruben had kissed her.

'Ew,' Lila said automatically. All the girls looked at her. 'I mean, I'd rather get with Leo,' she said quickly, 'but tell us about Ruben!'

The girls turned their attention away from her and squealed excitedly about their friend's first kiss. Lila fell silent. When had the girls become interested in boys again? How had she missed that memo? Why wasn't she interested too?

That was when she realised something was wrong.

* * *

She was thirteen. She had just moved country again and had been attending the new school for two weeks when she got invited to a slumber party. If she wanted to make friends, this party _had_ to go well.

And it had at first! They ate cake, played party games, watched movies… but then came the talking. Questions got passed around the group, Lila grew more and more uncomfortable as the girls all revealed their secrets. Finally, that dreaded question turned on her.

'So, who do you like?'

Lila froze as fifteen pairs of eyes turned to her. Expectant and unforgiving as only teenage girls' eyes can be. How was she to tell them none of the boys had caught her eye? How was she to tell them no boy had _ever_ caught her eye? That she'd never had a crush? That the word 'hot' made her gut clench? That she was different and wrong and inhuman in her emotions?

She eyed the magazines scattered on the floor, at the boy on one of the covers.

And it came so naturally, it practically slipped out.

'There's this boy, you may have heard of him. He's called Adrien Agreste.'

There was a beat of silence.

'Oh my god. _The_ Adrien Agreste?' One of the girls squealed.

'Do you have a picture with him?'

'What's he like in person?'

'Have you made out with him?'

The girls all clamoured to hear more.

And so Lila piled the lies on.

They used to be homeschooled together.

She helped Gabriel with some of his designs.

She was an extra on set for Emilie's movie.

She doesn't have photos of her and Adrien because his parents are very strict about publicity stuff.

But yes, they've kissed once or twice in secret.

And the girls all gasped and looked at her in awe as they drank in her story, lie upon lie. And it felt so good, to be accepted. To not have to struggle to form friends after _another_ move. So surely lying, if it made her feel this good, couldn't be all bad? Surely?

* * *

Fourteen was when she was told she was moving to Paris. Lila had been lying for a significant portion of her life but in her last school, she had perfected it. So discovering that she was going to attend the exact same school as Adrien Agreste was the icing on the cake. This would be her chance to make a lie a reality. She was going to fall for Adrien Agreste, and he would fall for her.

She was going to make herself Right.

* * *

Marinette grumbled in her seat. Lila had been attending their school for three months now and she just wouldn't leave Adrien alone. Marinette thought he'd be done with the liar after what went down with Oni-chan, but no. Here he was again, indulging her by agreeing to go through homework with her in the library. Why he did this she had no idea. He looked so uncomfortable.

She cringed as Lila cuddled right up to Adrien. She honestly didn't understand that girl. She claimed she loved Adrien, but forcing yourself all over someone is _not_ how you get someone to like you.

She slammed down her book when Lila mussed Adrien's hair and Adrien laughed uncomfortably. What she was doing was wrong.

'Alya,' she hissed to her friend studying diligently next to her, 'I know you don't agree with me on this, but something needs to be done about Lila.'

'You're right,' Alya said.

'She's crossing some serious lines and I- wait what?' Marinette blinked as Alya's words sunk in. 'You agree with me?'

'Yeah, I agree with you,' Alya said as she looked up, her tone serious. 'Nino was talking to me the other day. Adrien's been telling him what's been going on with Lila. And girl, it's some dodgy stuff. Adrien is _not_ comfortable with her.'

'Then why does he hang out with her?'

Alya shrugged, 'Nino said he feels sorry for her. She's got pretty absent parents too, and apparently she struggled with all the moving around.'

'Still doesn't give her an excuse to ignore Adrien's boundaries.'

'I'm with you there.'

'What do you think we should do?'

Alya spun her pen in her hands. 'I say we gather up the girl squad and find out what's _really_ going on.'

* * *

Lila gasped when she walked out a cubicle in the girl's bathroom and found herself surrounded by her female classmates.

'What are you all doing here?' she asked in a politely curious manner as she made her way over to a sink and washed her hands.

Rose handed her some paper towel. 'We're here to talk to you.'

Lila took the paper and dried her hands. She tried to look as nonchalant as possible but on the inside she was on high alert. 'What do you want to talk about?' she asked as she threw the paper in the bin.

'Lila, we all really like you,' Alya began, choosing to ignore Marinette's snort, 'but we can't help but notice your relationship with Adrien seems a little…off.'

Lila cocked her head to the side. 'What do you mean?'

'We don't like how you're treating Adrien,' Marinette said bluntly, remaining stoic as Alya elbowed her.

Lila raised an eyebrow. 'You jealous or something?'

Marinette turned bright red. 'That's not it,' she said through gritted teeth.

'What Marinette means,' Alya said, speaking over her friend, 'is that we feel you're overstepping some boundaries with him. We don't think he's entirely comfortable with the way you treat him.'

Lila folded her arms across her chest. 'Listen, I love Adrien. I have done for a long time. And-'

'-You have a funny way of showing it.' Marinette mumbled.

Lila glared at her. 'And I don't appreciate this criticism on how I show my love and affection!'

'But, Lila…' Lila turned her blazing eyes onto Rose as the kind-hearted girl spoke up. 'Love isn't shown by pushing boundaries or over the top affection where the other side isn't comfortable. It's about respecting those boundaries, and listening to each other, and providing space for you both to be comfortable.' She held Juleka's hand and gave her a soft smile.

Lila clenched her fists. She was usually so good at acting and lying, but something about the way the girls were all looking at her made her crack inside.

'You guys just don't understand us! I _do_ love Adrien, okay? I have to!'

The girls all frowned.

'What do you mean?'

'Why Adrien?'

'That doesn't make any sense.

'Why do you have to love Adrien?'

'I just do, okay?' she burst out, shocking herself with her emotion. 'I…I just do.' She visibly deflated and averted her gaze in embarrassment and confusion.

'What?'

'What does that even mean?'

'You can love whoever you want.'

'Lila, what do you mean by that?'

'You guys wouldn't understand,' Lila muttered.

'You don't know that.'

'Come on just tell us.'

'Yeah tell us.'

'You can trust us'

'Just tell us.'

Lila clenched her jaw as their incessant questions echoed around the bathroom.

'Leave me alone! You wouldn't understand!' she cried. She tried to leave the bathroom but Alya slammed her hand on the door, blocking her in.

'Try us, Lila,'

'Give us a chance.'

'Come on, tell us.'

'We won't judge.'

'Tell us!'

Lila's gut twisted as emotions she'd suppressed for years rose to the surface. She tightened her fists as her hands started to tremble. Tears burned the back of her eyes as the girls' questioning grew louder and louder and grated on her mind until she couldn't take anymore.

'BECAUSE IF I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH ADRIEN THEN I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH ANYONE!'

The girls all stared at Lila in stunned silence. Alix frowned.

'That's not true, Lila,' Rose said, 'why would you say that?'

'Because it _is_ true,' Lila hissed. 'Adrien is perfect. He's kind and sweet and good looking. If I can't fall for all that, then how am I meant to fall for less?'

'Oh, Lila,' Rose said softly, 'love can't be measured like that.'

Lila closed her eyes and shook her head. 'I told you, you wouldn't understand.'

Rose cast her eyes down, hurt.

For some reason though, Lila had the urge to keep talking. She wiped the tears from her eyes. 'You don't understand because it's stupid, and wrong, and I don't really understand it myself.'

Rose looked up, wide-eyed. But it was Alix's gaze that caught Lila's eye.

'Then let's try understand it.' It was the first time Alix had spoken and her words caused the room to fall deathly quiet. Lila felt emotions she didn't want to feel as she looked into Alix's steady blue eyes.

'There's…There's something wrong with me.' Her voice cracked as she revealed a truth she'd been covering for years.

'Apart from all the lying?' Marinette grumbled.

_'__Marinette!'_ The girls all yelled.

'Just give me a break about the lying! Okay?' Lila cried, tears welling in her eyes.

'Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm listening now, for real,' Marinette said.

'Why do you think there's something wrong?' Rose asked in her soft, gentle voice.

'Because I'm incapable of love. I've tried so, so hard, but I don't love anyone. I _can't _love anyone! I've never had a crush! I've never kissed! But what's worse is that _I don't want to. _And it's _wrong! _I know it is!' She brought her hands to her mouth as tears dripped down her cheeks.

The girls all stared at her in shock. They hadn't expected her to open up like this.

'How do we know this isn't just another lie?' Marinette asked in a biting tone.

'It's not a lie!' Lila yelled, tears spilling down her cheeks.

Marinette opened her mouth to retaliate, but Alix got there first.

'She's not lying, Marinette.' Alix stepped forward, her words caused the room to fall silent once more. 'She's confused.'

'Excuse me?' Lila mumbled through her tears, a little offended.

Alix tapped her foot as she debated how to go about this.

'Have you… heard of the word aromantic?'

Lila shook her head.

'What about asexual?'

Lila hiccuped as she suppressed her tears. 'It rings a bell…but not really.'

'Okay well, first thing's first. You aren't alone in what you're feeling. You aren't the only person to never have had a crush, and there sure as hell isn't anything wrong with you.'

Lila's eyes widened.

'And, while I don't want to force any labels and orientations onto you, I think you should do some research into aromanticism and asexuality.'

Lila accepted the paper towel that Rose handed her and wiped her tears. 'W-What do they mean?' she asked, her voice still shaky.

'Well, to be aromantic is to have no interest in romantic relationships, and to be asexual is to experience no sexual attraction.'

Lila sucked in her breath. There were words for what she was feeling? Heat burned the back of her eyes. _There were words for what she was feeling! _She brought her hand to her mouth as tears spilt down her cheeks once more.

'I'm both of them, in case you were wondering,' Alix added.

Lila sobbed into her hand. Not only was she not broken, not only were there words for what she felt, but right in front of her stood someone who was the same.

Rose engulfed her in a hug. 'There's nothing wrong with you, Lila.'

Lila burst into tears as relief overwhelmed her. She broke down as all the emotion she'd kept buried for years poured out of her. She wasn't broken, she wasn't wrong, she wasn't inhuman.

She was aromantic and asexual.

And that was okay.


End file.
